Help! My child doesn't eat?
- Nicola Rayner
- Jan 31, 2024
- 4 min read
I share my thoughts on why children relate to food the way they do, and some practical tips for encouraging healthy eating habits.
Yesterday I was having dinner with my friend and her 1 year old son Reuben*. Reuben was happily sat in his chair chatting, but far less keen on the eating aspect of dinner time, which was obviously somewhat problematic for his Mum! This led us to a conversation about what might be going on and it went a bit like this...
Recently Reuben has been poorly so his eating has been off and the parents approach has been more relaxed, quite rightly! We know that Reuben LOVES cream cheese! So it's a sure bet that if we stir plenty of this into his dinner then he will eat it. Problem solved right? Or is that over indulging him? Does he need to learn to eat different flavours, even if they're not his favourite? Or is he still unwell so having a more relaxed approach is appropriate? Should we do it today as a one off? Or are we creating bad habits?
Does this thought process sound familiar? I know from having worked with hundreds of children that this is something many parents/carers wrestle with, so I thought I would share my 5 tips for encouraging healthy eating habits. I'm also going to start by sharing my 3 thoughts on understanding what your child is trying to tell you with their behaviour, the why of what you're seeing, because this might impact on which approach you pull out of your toolkit.
Thought #1 - Be consistently inconsistent
Eating is not an area where you have to respond to your child exactly the same way every time. Consistency is crucial when it comes to behaviours such as hitting, or creating a bedtime routine. However, eating requires a more nuanced approach because it's a more complex issue. If your child is unwell you can feed them food's you know they will like, or what they ask for, and then when they are better you can be firm they eat the food you have prepared. You are consistently responding to their needs, which are inconsistent.
Thought #2 - Every day is different
What your child is able to do may be completely different on different days - this is perfectly normal, especially if your child has additional needs that throw more variables into the mix! Just because they could do something yesterday doesn't mean they can today. But just because they can't today, doesn't mean they won't be able to tomorrow.
Thought #3 - Children are tiny humans
And that means that, just like us, they have lots of feelings! Unlike us, they haven't yet learnt how to regulate these feelings so they are sometimes tiny humans with huge emotions which can be difficult to manage. Remember to empathise with what they might be feeling. For example, "I hear you that this isn't your favourite thing, and I know sometimes it can be difficult to eat something you don't love, but remember that it is still important to fill up our tummies".
Now we've looked at understanding what might be driving the behaviour, let's think about how we can practically respond...
Tip #1 - Relax
So much easier said than done, especially if you're worried about your little one's nutrition or if you find food mess or food refusal particularly triggering. However, the more relaxed you are the more likely your child is to see eating a positive experience. If you struggle with how slowly your child eats, consider what you could do whilst you're waiting, perhaps stay at the table with them but do some colouring, do you have other children who have also finished eating, could you use the time to listen to them read a book? Distraction is great for yourself and the child as it takes the intensity out of the meal time.
Tip #2 - Provide choice
This will look different depending on your child's stage and needs, but this could be involving them in meal planning, or offering a simple choice such as sweet potato or jacket potato. How you plate up the meal can help provide choice, for example leaving the component parts of the meal separate rather than stirring it all together. This allows your child to feel in control of their eating, and they can start with the bits they see as 'safe foods'.
Tip #3 - Stay positive
Avoid phrases such as "I know you don't like this", before they've even tried it. Instead try "what's your favourite thing on your plate, why don't you start with that". Rather than "come on, eat up", try "what are you going to go for next, the pasta or the carrots?".
Tip #4 - No pressure
Sometimes meal times can get intense with children, and you can find yourself locked into a battle of wills. If your child is point blank refusing to even try it, it can help to give the child some space. Stay close enough that your child is still supervised and safe, but you could do a bit of washing up, or fiddle with some food in the fridge. You may find that when you're no longer sat directly watching your child they start to eat. Once they've started you can then re-join them.
Tip #5 - Specific and labelled praise
Keep going with praising your child for what they are doing right. Avoid generic 'good girl', instead make sure your praise is specific and labelled. For example, "I was so impressed with how well you cut up your chicken with your knife and fork", or "You did so well to try a little bit of everything on your plate".
I hope that my thoughts and tips on mealtimes will be helpful. Please do leave a comment, I would love to hear your thoughts and questions.
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*Name has been changed
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